It was a late afternoon where I got
tired after an ordinary school day. The computer screen starts to dim after
fifteen minutes of inactivity and I was about to fall asleep as I lean back
on the computer chair. Suddenly, some images from my childhood pop up in my
mind and woke me up. “Why do these images show up so suddenly?” I wondered. I saw
my grandma and me eating snacks on a Saturday while my parents are at work
because my mom didn't allow junk food back then. I saw my grandma sitting in
her old rocking chair with her tan hand-held fan while watching me play jump
rope in front of our house. These images were the days when we were still in
China. Then I remembered that day was a few months after my grandma’s death;
she passed away in China and my family was not able to go see her before she
leaves because of work and school in the U.S.
From that moment on, I realize how
much I love and miss my grandma. She took care of me the day I was born because
my parents had to work. My grandma cook for me, she clean after my messes, she
watch my every move and action to make sure I was fine; but all I did to her at
the time was ignore her words and dislike her annoyance and worries, which I later
realize her actions showed her love and caring for me. When I finally realize I
should have done something for her, but it was too late to do anything and all there
was left between us were the memories from the past.
Word Count: 284
Point: Appreciate
and treasure your love ones while they’re still with you because it will be too late to do anything when they're gone.
There are a few grammar issues like in your last sentence you should either take out "When" or "but" because having both makes it sound a little weird. When you say "I remembered that day was a few months after my grandma's death" it sounds to me like you're referring to the day when you were in China and not the day you were on your computer. That could just be me so you may not have to change it. Overall it was good.
ReplyDeleteI enjoyed your story and I can relate to losing a grandparent. To make the story better, you could make some grammar corrections and improve the first sentence. The first sentence should really lure the reader in.
ReplyDeleteCool story. I can relate to how my parents' and grandparents' love comes off as annoying. Your first sentence doesn't make me want to keep reading though. Just start with the thoughts of your grandma. You don't have to explain why you were tired.
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry for your loss. I also think it is important to spend time with our loved ones while we can. consider revising first sentence to a more grabbing one, but other than that I enjoyed the read.
ReplyDelete